Originally posted on 1/7/2021 (reformatted).

Families are the foundation of our societies. The very nuclei on which communities are shaped and fueled. In today’s world, the concept of family has evolved and takes several forms, all of which are valid and valuable. Whether the family is comprised of two parents, one parent, blended families, adoptive families, or couples without children- whatever form a family takes we have a responsibility to protect them especially in the transition of a divorce.  As a family law attorney, I have been recently reflecting on the responsibility that myself and my colleagues have to the families we serve beyond just in the legal sense. In our role as family law attorneys we see families experiencing pain and vulnerability. Our clients come to us with struggles affecting the most intimate parts of their lives and look to us for counsel in getting them through the conflict. Unfortunately, because of mainstream portrayals of family law cases, many people approach the process with preconceived notions that they are gearing up for war, whether they are excited by the prospect or terrified. On the other hand, modern day family law trends are heading down a different, more amicable path and as a community we need to come together and change the narrative to educate and focus the public, clients, and colleagues on alternative dispute options.    

 As a result of family law’s nature, the emotions our clients feel are heightened as they come to grips with not only the dissolution of their marriage/relationship but also of their family as it was. These emotions mixed with fear and feelings of betrayal or hurt can become emboldened with the mainstream ideas of shark like attorneys and fierce courtroom battles as a means to level retribution against their former partner. This is where we, as family law attorneys, need to step in and rather than enabling a litigious spirit, educate our clients on the invasive and public nature of litigation, let them know about alternative dispute methods, and provide them with the tools to navigate the process and the future successfully. Some of the most difficult conversations I have with clients involves encouraging them to take the highroad even in the face of adversity. As a result, I have found that a dedication to alternative dispute methods and client awareness of their access to those processes can help clients feel empowered to carry on and keep harmful escalation at bay. It does no good to engage in the games and antagonization that are sometimes thrown around in these cases.

In the last couple decades, a lot of headway has been made in introducing mediation as a routine aspect of family law cases. In fact, many judges are trending towards ordering parties to mediate from the start.  Nevertheless, mediation and other alternative dispute resolution processes have not broken the mainstream surface yet as to many clients these are still foreign concepts. This reality is not helped by the sometimes desensitized and matter of fact approach some family law practitioners fall into when it comes to mediation.  The collaborative divorce process is even more of a foreign concept to clients and many attorneys. Collaborative divorce is a unique alternative dispute resolution method that takes a comprehensive approach to help families. Parties that agree to use the collaborative process retain a team of collaboratively trained attorneys, mental health and financial professionals, and any other experts that may be needed to systematically help them come to an ultimate, peaceful and lasting resolution. While this approach is not for everyone, it can be an invaluable tool for clients and attorneys to utilize in tempering the litigious spirit often connected to family law in favor of a team approach. The core principles of collaborative divorce, which specifically address the legal, emotional, and financial ramifications, can also be used with the more traditional routes, like mediation, to create hybrid processes for the specific needs of each family.         

The overreaching impact family law can have on our society dictates that today’s family law attorneys must break away from the litigious stereotypes of the practice. As the next generation of upcoming attorneys, we are in an important position to shape the future of family law and to do so we must genuinely immerse ourselves in the various alternative dispute methods and educate the public and our colleagues that litigation is rarely the best process to use in these very complicated and sensitive matters. Though, we must all be mindful that some rare cases do ultimately require litigation as the best form of advocacy for our clients depending on the circumstances. However, we all must make a conscious effort not to become negative advocates for our clients. Our actions and advice have consequences. It is our responsibility as the professionals to draw the line and realize that sometimes being an advocate and zealously standing up for our clients’ best interests means focusing on the bigger picture of a long term, lasting resolution reached by the parties themselves, rather than the judiciary. After all, no one is better equipped to know the specific needs of a family than the parties themselves, so let’s help bring together and empower our clients to be the authors of the new chapter in the lives of their families.     

Miriam M. Saffo

Nichols, Sacks, Slank, Sendelbach,

Buiteweg & Solomon, P.C.

Ann Arbor

Nsssb.com